Self Care Double Standard. Are You Guilty of Sick Shaming?

Everyone is on board for face masks, bubble baths and chocolate. But why does shame creep in when you take time off because you’re sick or injured?

Have you dreaded the conversation with your boss to call out sick? Practicing for the third time exactly what you’re going to say, “Hi, yes. I have a fever and am not going to be in today…”

Maybe you couldn’t make the call and showed up to work anyway. Convinced you could shake off the headache you woke up with only for it to turn into a pounding migraine.

What is this obsession with pushing through to perform, show up, go on when your body is telling you to do literally all of the opposite?

It’s a self-care double standard called sick shaming. And while as a culture we have begun to embrace self-care, it doesn't always extend to the workplace where many still face pressure to work while sick or receive backlash for taking the time off. So much so, that you may be doing it to yourself.

What do I mean you are doing this to yourself? Sick shaming can show up as a self-motivated need to always be productive and feeling guilty when you have to take time to rest.

A panicking at the first symptoms of a cold, the thoughts creeping in, “I could’ve prevented this.” “What did I do wrong?” “What could’ve I done better?” Instead of focusing on actual self-care to recover your health.

That’s the guilt talking. Shaming you for getting sick.

So why do we embrace self-care when it looks like eating chocolate, doing a facemask or taking a bath? But not when it means taking a day off work to recover from the cold or staying home for a mental health day?

FIRST. Sick shaming is a part of a greater narrative and the emphasis that we put on vitality as a society. There is a stigma that comes with “catching” what’s going around, being unproductive and not performing at 100 percent.

Additionally, there are plenty of commentaries that turn getting sick into something that is personal. That makes it about the individual.

And we’ve all heard it:

“Were you being safe?”

“Were you going out?”

“What’ve you been taking?”

And on, and on.

All that sounds like, “what did YOU do wrong that you ended up sick?”

This narrative is not only harmful, but it isolates us from our community and perpetuates the cycle that getting sick is bad.

That you are bad for getting sick. And thus, bad for taking time off to recover.

Understand that this system and society is unfortunately not built to value and prioritize your health. That is the first step to letting go of the guilt that comes with getting sick and needing time off and reclaiming your power to advocate for your health.

THIS LEADS TO THE NEXT PART:

At some level, we all want to be our ideal selves. When we aren’t, like when we’re sick, we internalize that as some sort of failure.

Because, again, we place emphasis on productivity, fast movement, what we can do and accomplish.

We value that over rest, recovery, going slow and taking our time.

And when you are sick, you can basically only take care of the bare minimum to ensure you get well: eat, sleep and nature calling.

So, how do you let go of the personal feelings of shame and guilt?

Surrender. Surrender, take care, take the medicine, rest. You are responsible for taking care of yourself.

Not as easy as it sounds? Here are a few tips for sick day self-care:

• Do you have PTO or sick time you can take? Take it. A lot of workplaces have a use it or lose it policy. If Not Now When?
• Check your mindset. Affirm that your health is your priority before making the call out sick. “I am responsible for my well-being. I can only serve others as well as I serve myself. I can’t pour from an empty cup.”
• Where can you say, “not right now”? It might not be realistic for you to go completely dark for a few days, there are still life demands. So where can you scale back? Only take mandatory calls, no volunteering, movie night instead of running around with the kids. Shift to more restorative activities until you’re better.
• Do an inventory of what’s calling out to you. Do you need rest? Have you been overworked? Not sleeping? Stressed? Not eating well? Take this time as a rest and reset.
• Ask for help. This can be from your partner, family, friends, kids even a cuddle from the dog. People are way more agreeable to helping you than you allow yourself to believe. Give it a try, you might be pleasantly surprised.

And remember. It is easy to be about your wellness when you are well!

It is easy to be about your health when you are healthy! It is easy to feel good and see the results of the effort you put into taking care of yourself when your body is picking up what you’re putting in.

But what about when you’re sick?

That is part of your health too. It’s a give and take, it’s about balance.

You know what you need to be well and so does your body. Trust that this is a time for you to reset and don’t make it personal, sometimes it’s just your turn. Simple as that.

You will quickly realize that the world keeps spinning, meetings go on or get rescheduled, all the emails get answered and people understand.

In conclusion.

Associating shame with being sick is simply a fear of being vulnerable, of being a burden or inadequate.

And that’s like expecting your car to never break down or the lights in your house to never go out or your hair to never get split ends.

It’s going to happen, even when you do all the things and check all the boxes and try your best.

Those things are not bad or less because they need a tune-up or a time-out to get fixed. Some things just happen.

You are good. Be kind to yourself, keep trying your best and know that investing in your health is still always worth it.

Health is about prevention, giving yourself the best chance and protecting those around you. However, there are many things that happen that are out of our control. And that is not our fault. Why not instead put our efforts into the things we can control and support others to do the same.

When you embrace that self-care is more than fun and indulgent activities, and it’s actually caring for your health when you are well and sick, you can extend that compassion to others. In your family, in your workplace, in your community.

Encourage each other to feel empowered to take care of your health and not make illness personal.